Life

So true..

2006-11-23T19:24:00.000-08:00

So True..

@}---@}---@}---

"No matter what happens..

U Stick together and Hold on..

Even if its within your fingertips"

@}---@}---@}---

Nur Syawal..

2006-10-25T11:06:00.000-07:00

Nur Syawal..

"Ahlan wa Sahlan Syawal"

The cry of the takbir, like always, touches my heart, caresses the soul so soft it gives you this undescribable feeling.. masya-Allah..

'Idulfitri for my family has always been an average occasion.. Granny's place senantiasa menjadi tempat buruan pertama bagi piranha2 yg dah kebulur tak bleh angkat .. pasal nenek nyer sambal goreng pengantin sungguh fuiyo! :D
Yg menghampakan, kuih semuer nenek beli dari raja kuih .. sungguh ... eEEEE!!! Alamak!!!

dan yg menjadi tumpuan kedua adalah rumah wak ku yg kian lama menjadi tempat perhimpunan bapak ku dan geng2 nyer .. *slapz forehead* itu tak pasal ... janji perut & kocek disogok.. aku happy2 .. *grinz*

sampai ke malam larh aku dan keluarga ku, menunggukan semuer2 nak prep untuk gambar.. nyaha!! lagi2 mkcik2 ku yg hendak menunjukkan harta karun dan baju2 rayer yg secara kesluruhannya, aku raser baju aku lagi handal .. =X

Quote dari kak ina.. "eh muker amat skrg ader skit iras2 hardy mirza" ... -.-"

and not forgetting,

she who loves me... and whom i love in return

thank you for giving me time on my own on eid's day.. i juz wanted to lay off and have my own time with everyone but i missed u, in the process of doin so..

@}--- @}--- @}---

a message to all:

i never really do apologies online coz i find it not sincere, but juz in case the Life of me doesnt unfurl till the day we meet, i extend my deepest apologies if i have wronged u.. i noe myself very well, that at times, knowingly or by accident that i can act rather harsh, and say things we all dun mean.. and i hope we all become better muslims in life.. and the kinship that He created within us, be prolonged till up There..

Bertadah tangan sbg tanda syukur

2006-10-25T02:37:00.000-07:00

Bertadah tangan sbg tanda syukur..

"Ramadhan meninggalkan kami lagi"
the past ten days have been oh-so-beautiful.. Ramadhan has always been all so special, to me.. to us all.. The terawihs, tahajjuds, every kneel in prayer, every plead in worship and every tear that goes with it.. all these in hopes for His forgiveness, in grace.. for 'taubatan nasuha' ..
But it will never end here, because life.. goes a long way

Syahru Ramadhan has been like a person to me, like ustaz, 'He' nurtured us all into the people we are today and i've never regret those days spent with dear Ramadhan. The feeling is overwhelming.. and i am reluctant to let u go

Dear Ramadhan,
I noe u hafta go.. but please Ya Rabb, dun let Ramadhan leave w/o having bestowed upon us forgiveness, even if it was a tinge.. for that is what i have been taught to seek from You.
My sins are like the countless pieces of sand.. too many that i deserve Jahannam (God forbid) .. but dear Ar-Rahman, i kneel before You and pray to thee for your mercy for you are All-Caring and All-Kind.

Amin Ya Robbal 'Alamin

Make a wish..

2006-10-17T03:14:00.000-07:00

Make a wish..

"..and blow out the candles"

a Happy 20th Birthday,

may ALLAh bless u with good health and good wealth

and not forgetting the many blissful things dwn Here and up There..

Urs always,

Daunting times..

2006-10-07T06:52:00.000-07:00

Daunting times..

U kept me alive

2006-10-03T23:37:00.000-07:00

IF is a condition..

we havent been talking let alone meeting up..

its a rather "small real-world test" i presume

I love Us..

2006-09-28T02:59:00.000-07:00

I love Us..

"I came because i love you

I came again because 6 Nov seems so far away"

Greatest Fall..

2006-09-26T05:56:00.000-07:00

Ramadhan Al-Mubarak..

Dear Ramadhan is here agn.. and i dun tink i shud explain what needs and not be done.. its a responsibility to every muslim brother and sister and hope with each ramadhan day that passes, we grow to become a better muslim that serves..

i wrote this one way back then, sumone read this one before, that is .. if "she" remembers

Allahumma ya Tuhan
Aku bertadah tangan
Memohon keampunan
Dari-Mu ya Ar-Rahman

Tuhanku curahkanlah
Keterangan Nur cahaya
Ke atas kami yang hina
Wahai Tuhan yang Esa

Allah jadikan kami
Orang yang bermurah hati
Tidak lokek dengan rezeki
Engkau Tuhan yang Memberi

Jauhkan kami musibah
Penyakit dan malapetaka
Tetapkan iman dan tabah
Mengharungi segala di dunia

Engkaulah segalanya
Tanpamu, tiadalah kita
Allah kami bersyujur
Jangan Sekali kita kufur

-*Amin ya Robbal 'Alamin*

Prolific..

2006-09-20T11:29:00.000-07:00

Prolific..

"marked by lack of care"
days have never been so hushed since the 2 went off.. ive been lacking dota nitez with my gg partner whom i think he shall recognize himself well when he returns, i miss "mat cd's" lameness that never fail to put that grin thinking how the hell does he do it, and i simply miss my sotong coz she's been bz earning to treat me sumday..

and the days i've spent with *weewee* day and day after, has nvr been so sweet.. back then on the 18th of feb, it was juz a simple gesture.. now its *forever and ever*

-7 mths and going.. we keep dreaming till its the big day

2006-09-06T13:00:00.000-07:00

Accepting change..

"Make ur choice and dun look back"

Who we were Back Then..

its 3am and i cannot sleep

my mind filled with thoughts so deep

about him, them, not forgetting her

and especially, 7th and 12th september

it was juz yesterday it seemed to be

we became 5 instead of 3

awkward at first to them maybe

but they interlocked as time flee

we bowled, we pooled, we skate together

we go out.. day and day after

we sentosa-ed despite the weather

and with each day we aged much closer

we smiled we frowned

and broke with laughter

our feelings deeper

within each other, we grew fonder

and to part now would prove so subtle

coz we've fit like a beautiful puzzle

but with time catching up with us

talhah and shad with their ns

i bear no grudge

i keep no anger

talhah and shad

both like a brother

and of all the people that i see

U are them whom are dearest to me

in days of good and in treachery

W.A.S.T.E forever we'll always be

i end my say, pls wake up early

open my blog to read my entry

filled with emotions and sensuality

before u go, and serve the country

the frens we've become Now..

Muhd Redzwan Roslan

Written by the hands that care

And the heart that loves

Life goes on..

2006-09-03T12:32:00.000-07:00

Life thereafter..

"The truth like pandora's box"

our wkend spent at ecp.. the whole w.a.s.te. team, regardless of race or intelligence.. they were there, making time..

we had uber food, lots of meat.. and not forgetting, fish also for those "non-meat eaters"..
but it wasnt the food, it was the serenity of the night and the beauty of her.. that eventually made me stay

bbq was interesting enuff to perk my weekend with the whole lot but what i have yet to tell them what lies beneath.. i cudnt bring myself to say it after much exhaustion, and to see the deliberate faces that i stumbled upon.. i suppose He sumhow told me- "it's not time.. yet"

-and if i were to have ended it there..

2006-09-01T06:00:00.000-07:00

Feeding on..

They will hate me for doing as such, but i have to have my own time now.. i can never be "he" who was before.. i tell myself people change,
and i have ..

-fly me to the moon and let me play among the stars

Back to where it all began...

2006-08-24T02:46:00.000-07:00

Back to where it all began..

love story: Wan and her

She had her exams done, and we hadnt have a real date since..
and so i decided to bring her up there, where nights can be so silent
and the hustle-bustle of the busy city can never be heard
where the winds blow across ur face, u feel like flying

that place is still Surreal..

she cudnt hold back tears.. i told her not to.. she's been living days so strong.. sumtimes even the strongest kneels.. sumone once told me u can never bottle up whats inside coz u'll end up bursting.. and i suppose she burst into a stream of tears..

u and me dancing the night away
u can feel my heart beating so strong
we look eye to eye
and im swept away

-rufio: one slowdance

i can never have her replaced..

"Loving u reminds me that nothing else matters"

i wanna live a hundred minus one.. and i think she knows why
and it will always be "forever and ever"

Muhd Redzwan Roslan

Written by the hands that care

and the heart that loves

Love and affections..

2006-08-13T23:10:00.000-07:00

Love and Affections..

Before anything else, i wud like to congratulate talhah's biggie sis,kak alya, upon safely delivering her super-dee-duper uberly cute baby gurl.. alhamdulillah.. talhah maniacally uber lucky to have a stuperfying niece..

-may Allah bless u then with more wonderful things to come.. =)

Fireworks for the whole of last week was juz stupendous.. i have caught 4 out 5 displays that has so without fail, perked my witching hours... and thanks to the "frens" that have conjoined efforts to make it there with me.. plus, not forgetting her who has till this day put up with my wicky streaks and has managed to love me at the same time with her witty hee-haws =P

and it was pleasureful, to see familiar faces on the final night itself..
cheerios to ghani and his larling su + huda

i take my everydays slowly.. "with one step at a time"

"faith makes all things possible,
loving her makes them easy"

and to her:
there has never been a day that passes without having me to think about u

Muhd Redzwan Roslan

Written by the hands that loves

and the heart that cares

2006-08-07T01:55:00.000-07:00

Slow spinning redemption..

"the message"
my intention was not to hurt.. but i did without realising.. i have lived by words, " then i will be no burden".. and haf tried so hard not to.. to make things worse, this hazardous inhabitant that has been living out of me since the day i came back isnt giving up w/o a fight..

day after day, i try to regain that physical ability i once had.. and i realize the harder i try, the weaker i become.. many haf told me not to push myself over the edge.. coz that will be suicidal..

"undoing the hurt i cause"
yet agn, yesternite din go as planned.. sumwhere in the midst of things, emotions got tied agn.. preventive i was, i cudnt hold back tears no longer.. i told myself why id even bother.. why go that unappreciated extra mile.. why care for others when u get sand kicked in ur face in return.. in situations as such, id try to fake my smile.. coz she says "its the smile that keeps them out of trouble".. but what happened was like an arrow thru the heart..

being left has always been a common occasion... but by w.a.s.t.e? my legs cudnt walk another step.. i dropped on my knees.. and cried out to whom else.. but the Oneness above

and as i left, i was hoping the worse wud happen to me.. and i figured, it wud happen as per norm.. but this one, i cudnt take it.. my lungs was crushed to its utmost.. i cudnt even reach for inhaler, i tried my best not to go into shock.. my hands were reaching for anything.. and the 1st to take me.. was the only person i wished wud haf..

i wanted sit up.. but i cant bring myself to.. talhah tried pulling me up.. but the agony of having ur passageways closing on you.. and ur soul sucked, like literally... till a gasp of air was the only thing u were dying for.. i was at an unstable condition.. my hands gripped hers.. and i cudnt remember anything else but those words "i am here" ...

in dire times, im still figuring why she was.. i did tell them to go.. or they'd miss their firework.. and that i said i'd be fine.. like i always do.. but by golly, i din think i'd make it then..
but they stayed thruout the ordeal, and missed what we came for..

to "them" that cares:-
and for that, i can never replace u guyz for anything else.. even if its for the world..

to her:
im wandering why u still stayed when u cudve listened..
if love was spelt was spelt with an L.O.V.E, then mine is defined by an E.Z.Z.A

Muhd Redzwan Roslan

Written by the hands that care

and the heart that loves

entry dedicated to W.A.S.T.E (2006- forever)

2006-08-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

Not a walk in the park..

"Heart elsewhere"
i havent been able to describe past moments due to whirling excitements and unconditional roller coaster of emotions.. my mouth shut.. but my heart mentions a thousand and one..

-when life takes its toll, slitting ur wrist becomes a choice

and for those curious about the state of health i am in.. i am still sick.. but im livin days as per norm..
but the attacks always arrive at critical-untelling-times.. all i do during each duration, id try
to hang on for dear life

i was at my peak of sweet-loving.. but so happens..
that i stumbled a couple of times.. and one wrong step..
brought me tumbling, back to the starting point..

to strangers:
Mr Kay Yong, for ur 1st approach, and ur uber ointment that dazed me..
and to the other,
i got ur name as raudha.. i hope i got the spelling right this time..
id thank u a million times, and it still wun suffice..
i was juz glad.. more or less relieved.. that u and ur fren,yani, were there

"thx 4 purple stim pack, thx 4 ah pek ride, thx for the uber nite... plus thank yani for the trouble of going thru all 4 companies juz to get my SHA 6239 C n for having to bear solitude with me around ..pls buy her a bouquet of box stem roses for me ok."

-i owe u both.. *grinz*

Muhd Redzwan Roslan

Written by the hands that care

and the heart that loves

Onwards and outwards

2006-07-15T06:30:00.000-07:00

"When Life is all that matters"

a lonely trail

one walk to remember

the life of me

almost a closure

mum and dad
2 devils, 1 sister
my only family
i've known to treasure

not only them
there's also *her*,
shad, ama,
and talhah- the "lamer"

whos grown so close
just within days
their hearts so warm
a place to solace

the "famous five"
we'll always be
idiot, sotong, photographer,
lamer and *hippy*me

there's also the rest
considered frens still
who showered me care
when i fell ill

there's still one more
i owe her lots

they call her ijah

still in my thoughts

to all of you

the times we've spent

i promise you

can never be mend

praise the Lord

let all bear witness

what big hearts

that lies within us

my only wish

i sit and pray

you live your lives

like it was the final day

i told him

"one step a time"

eventually

the mountain we'll climb

so many words

so little time

with each day

the clock sublimes

i dont got a clue

when it will be

it seems soon

we shall see

and when the day comes

just let me be

your prayers and plea

be with me

*Amin ya Robbal 'Alamin*

Muhd Redzwan Roslan

written with the hands that care

and the heart that loves

Sugar and ice..

2006-07-14T22:07:00.000-07:00

"Those words said"

And everytime you say the words "I Love You",

you take away another piece of my heart

Muhd Redzwan Roslan

Written by the hands that care

And the heart that loves

Life was but a dream..

2006-07-11T00:15:00.000-07:00

Life was but a dream..

"On the brink of death"

i am in a stable condition.. people ask me how im doing.. i can juz tell them so-so.. i haf not yet fully recovered.. however, my 2nd attack was nonetheless, sumwhat a condured past of the 1st.. i din see it cuming.. and i thot, that was my time.. but alhamdulillah, HE s most merciful and most kind.. and i'm still given a chance.. to prove myself worthy of this life.. and ventolin didnt help much.. i had 8 puffs like she said.. and i think my body swallowed all 8..

i was in a state of trepidation; i sweated like crazy, i was gasping fer air.. my limbs went numb.. muscle spasms contributed to the worse.. i was hanging by a thread..

the rest of them were panic strickened.. helpless.. shocked.. their feelings conjoined.. emotions whirling.. not much could actually be done..

but she stood by me, my hands in hers.. she wasnt letting go.. and the only words i can recall here keep repeating was "ur gonna be fine, juz hang on a little longer.. please"..

in my heart, i was so dire to live.. pictures of loved ones .. memoirs more likely were running thru my mind like gazetted commercials.. i was telling myself.. im gonna live for them.. for "her"..

and all praise to ALLAH, fer giving me one more lucky break frm another unfortunate haphazard.. *tears*

to them:
thanks wudnt be sufficient
even as one says "there's only so much a person can do",
i still cherish that extra mile u went..

-frm one muslim to another..

to her:
u held my hand and
promised u wudnt let go
and what mattered most
u din wanna go anywhere else
but to juz be there

lost for words i am
and with that,
"i know then, right there,
i've made the right choice
Thank you"

I take my leave..

2006-07-04T04:50:00.000-07:00

I take my leave..

"At my wits' end"
i haf lost my 90% trust in women.. ladies especially.. and that includes 'u'.. its not a 1st.. and i have been dissed the same way.. agn and agn, like a viscious cycle..

- stay away please, u and ur disgusting kind

and when she told me "wan, he's here.. im sorry but i cant make it".. when i was 7 and 1/2 mins away frm p.s.. it was a fissure of eruptions going on inside; like kryptonite behind my back..
making me miss my chance to go back with my "bestest" or even to send another home..

im turning into sum1 i thot was extinct years back

i felt my heart throb
it was hard to breathe
i almost sobbed
i couldnt believe

its happening again
my past conjured
with heads down
emotions hurt

i trudged down
along the isle
picked up my phone
with emotions wild

i looked up the sky and
questioned why me
of all the people
cant u see ?

my trust breached
like a repetition
like a cartwheel
with no conclusion

i sat down
and as i wonder
the frens i have
begin to wither

one after another
they take their leave
an unsincere smile
i started to conceive

females lie
oh hell they do
they fake their cry
and they use you

so much for
the promises made
they served you well
for your great escape

you wanted out
you called to say
with your sense of charm
and made ur way

not looking back
not even a chance
now that i see you
ur not worth a second glance

Learning.. Simple ways..

2006-06-30T06:15:00.000-07:00

Learning.. Simple ways..

"To clear Wan's-self"
their shine of good will and the warmth of their closeness.. can never be replaced and words of gratitude like thank you .. doesnt suffice.. i've come to realize how uber my life can be..with them.. if i juz tie a knot and hang on..

to them:
its always "a step at a time"
*grinz*

and to her:
idiots are smart..
and after yesternite, u noe how much i miss and love my idiot.. *winkx*

-she took my hand everytime i was beside her..

Still living..

2006-06-28T18:06:00.000-07:00

Still alive and kicking..

"Book re-opened"
id rather keep my presence known only to a few bunch.. i am back home..yes.. potent with an unascertained disease.. professionals were telling me there might be a possibility of viral infection; thru x-ray.. they say it might be bronchitis, broncholera.. or even pneumonia..

- many haf heard me say this, "that people like me, we die young"

"Beam unbalanced"
my troubles haf multiplied by a stockpile.. they are insisting me to pay the price.. even not by a lump sum.. it'll take me years.. and looking at my family's condition, we're not doing too good.. they haf already a whole lot to juggle.. and im adding to it.. fag

There's a thousand and one things in mind.. a gazillion stories to share.. but she told me that in the labyrinth of life, when faced with the numerous obstacles to come, we cant take more than one step at a time

in which first and foremost, i need time to recoop frm my deteriorating health..

and to those who haf showered me with lots of love and concern,
i appreciate it most to haf u stick wit me in these troubled times
and ur generous prayers are deeply cherished

To fail isnt the end.. but to quit is

time will help heal the sores and pains
but time is what i dun haf
and if tmw doesnt cum for me
pls be reminded that u people haf been the colours of my life, and the wellspring of my joys
so GOD bless u near and far..

When GOD is all u haf, u haf everything
So quit worrying bout tomorrow,
GOD is already there

Globetrotting unfolds..

2006-06-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

Globetrotting unfolds..

"Dreams about to be lived"
it has been confirmed that the date will be on the 7th of june which most shud noe already.. destinations have been altered due to a deferment of ship allocation and are as such:-

- Singapore
- Chiwan, China
- Hong Kong
- Jebel Ali, Dubai
- Sharjah, Oman
- Fujairah, UAE
- Karachi, Pakistan
- Colombo, Sri Lanka

Estimated time of journey is approximately 28 days which means i'd be "home" every 28 days.. plus minus..

I am anxious, excited and aware of the dangers.. i wudnt noe what to expect.. thus, ur prayers wud be much appreciated.. *grinz*

"Bower of bliss"
i was telling myself.. i hafta see her before i take my leave.. before the heartthrob worsens to a chronic condition.. and thus i did.. maybe surprised her a lil' .. =)

to her:
i am in no position to ask u of this
but i hope u can wait fer me
nor do i want to be a foot drag in the process
there are a million and one
whos worth more
so at any moment, if u happen to stumble upon 1
pls..

it isnt cruel to take chances
coz i think we noe about the loving concern
that has been revolving ard us both
and i think ive seen the best of you
so that, to me
shall suffice

be it with or w/o,
i think that is sumthing we dun have any control over
but the last moments i've had with you.. i think
has knocked sum sense into this maniacal idiot
whos been overlooking the simplest things
and has been running away frm the inevitable

i haf been a lil acrid with my unrelenting silence
and my hard-boiled remarks
but they say "the heart reaps what is expressed by word of mouth"

instincts tell me i miss you, but to put it in words
to me, its juz not possible
coz words dun tell u everything
not even how much i care for you

urs always,
wawan dearest *ever present even in absence*
heart-to-heart it has always been, and will always be

weakest..

2006-06-01T04:34:00.000-07:00

Weakest..

"old days relived"
i have had the greatest week sumhow.. swimming occasions with my best pals at j.e. - shad, su, anwar n talhah.. was ever sweet.. sum are leaving to serve the country whilst shad and talhah can wait for their turn in a matter of a month or so... and myself, setting out to sail the seven seas- a dream at the grasp of my hands.. and i will miss the few bunch..

we were back then.. the notorious bunch who gave our lives in becoming the number 1. NCC cohort.. we have slogged thru' shitholes and mudpiles.. and in the process, not only haf we gained trust amongst ourselves.. but we've learnt to treasure and value that bond we share..

-blood is thicker than water, trust is thicker than blood

tribute:
they have been my upbringing moral support, and a backbone ive sloth against thruout
they are the wellspring of my joys and nonetheless, the source of happiness i seek upon
i can never forget today and will never.. and shall bring this day henceforth to my grave

"unsound and feeble"
i have been pondering upon the letter i received.. and has been reading it over and over since..
i wonder at times, why i haf been cursed in a good way.. with the many bliss that HE has granted upon this selfish self that has nvr been thankful..

to her:
ur words remind me of the exact thots i have been running away frm
in a way i am bedazzled with the many common things we share
if i were to put it in words, my feelings
it wudnt suffice

point the gun in my way
just pretend it is time
say the word and i will fire

7 june .. relinquish my last hours

Frappamoli..

2006-05-27T05:47:00.000-07:00

Frappamoli..

"the indecent truth"

Which Naruto Character Are You?
Test by naruto - kun.com

-most wud say "what the f*ck?!? how cum he gets to be the good guy?!?" .. lolz .. coz i AM!

Carrying it together with my soul

2006-05-24T00:05:00.000-07:00

Carrying it together in my soul..

"To reason"
U cannot escape urself
and what u cant take back- ur past
that is why i will bring an end to everything

i am conscious of the things that has been happening in life
at the moment, i can say
thank the Almighty, for the blissful occasions in which HE made happen

i got this, frm a fren.. when my batt died on me on my way out..

I realise how much it hurts to miss sumone
Thanks..
For being with me; making m happy
For treating me nice n for caring
Thanks..
For everything

and with that.. i got hold of myself for a moment only to understand

everything has 1 life
that's why ur life is ur own
we noe that we can understand each other and that we can change
-Kira Yamato

And not to forget people, 7th of June it is ..

to her:
No matter what, i end up choosing the difficult path
i can continue to like you
w/o losing my heart in the end
ur keeping me alive

Running out of gas

2006-05-14T06:49:00.000-07:00

Running out of gas..

"falling down around everyone"
scuffles that trigger between parents are dire and unpleasant.. and to think it happened on the eve of mum's day..

- abg's already home.. so dun worry coz things are gonna be alright *kiss on forehead*

and to whom it may concern,
i went out because its a habit, and "GOD curse me for not having my mobile with me" ..
and im going out despit what u say, because i will always do ur opposite

having to care, isnt a choice with only 'yes' as an option
so spare me ur so-called affections

commitments slow me down like a burden;
hinder my path like roadblocks
but i am insensitive and will mow down every obstacle i face

your graceful, your grace falls
your lovely, your love leaves

2006-05-12T07:49:00.000-07:00

Untitled..

"Mun-cheeky"
people.. sagi guys like me makes the best gays coz "we can give head 24/7" .. lolz
and it tweakz me to know also that sagi pairs are often involved in _ _ _ so hot u dun hafta turn on heater... yyyyeeeeepp!!!!

- reviews frm sexscopes.. its a borders thing *winkz*

frm me to her:
starlight, starbright
the only star that lits my night

well, i dun hafta say much coz i noe she noes .. =)

Engaged to hostility

2006-05-05T09:31:00.000-07:00

Such are the words..

to the frens:
i was forced to fake smiles and laughs
its now broken ties:- ur life is urs.. and whats mine is mine
so stay away

"dreams set in stone"
i tried to make up for the nights i terrified her.. i thrashed her in pool.. i distraught her m.i.3 with fun, laughter and kinky remarks.. and at the end of the nite, there's always this embracing vibe that tells u if u enjoyed ur nite.. i noe i haf.. *smilez wide*

she has sumwhat grown to be sumone "close at heart"

- i got it agn .. but this time i got to give back.. *cheeky*
n im still living life of happy fisherman

Free frm the weight and pains of life..

2006-05-01T02:03:00.000-07:00

Free from the weight and pains of life..

"Nothing worth the wear of winning"
i spend times with this tootsie.. and i never get tired of it

Three things in life that are most valuable:-
Love
Self-confidence
Friends

and i find all three in Dr. JERKyl.. =)

"and i shudve gotten to noe u after ur 6 mths" *pouts*

they say its a language spoken by everyone, but understood only by a heart

we were having our bubble sessions, when i got it .. *twinklez*
now she doesnt owe me anything.. on the othr hand, i owe her a whole lot..

urs always,
happy fisherman

Subjected to change..

2006-04-28T07:43:00.000-07:00

Subjected to change..

"time is of the essence"
deed signed.. im just waiting for 190 and im going all out.. im not waiting any longer.. and im not gonna be brought down by simple obstacles i can run over.. im gonna be insensitive if i hafta.. and im sorry..

Date unassigned yet
APL Alexandra
U.S Gulf regions

"unkept promises"
i dun usually go back on my words.. but i haf done so, unknowingly.. and to whom it may concern, i can rarely go out with u guyz again.. not that i dun want to.. but circumstances dun allow me..

the choices i make to decide my fate,
in turns,
hurts the ones i love most
but if thats the way it is to be
then it is up to me

and sumday.. i will make it right
thursdays are now mine and sofi's.. she knows i know.. *grinz*

My heart skips a beat..

2006-04-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

My heart skips a beat..

"A dream u wudnt wanna wake up from"
i havent been to the esplanade lately.. and the ambience juz killed me so sweet when we stepped up the roof terrace.. it was pouring.. well, drizzling actually.. =p

itz bcuming an everyday thing.. her presence spurs me and her misbehaving tickles my funny bone .. and it seems to be her habit.. and her sister? tends to make decorate my days with lushful rainbows.. what more can an idiot ask for?..

i havent been uploading pics lately.. let alone taking them.. i find no meaning in photography at the moment coz i think my description suffice..

we were simply glad we managed to solace what was scarred.. the bottom line is "we" luv her alot.. even if it takes juz 1 scoop of haagen-dazs.. *cough*cough*cough*

and i missed my kiss..

The thought that emerges..

2006-04-21T12:32:00.000-07:00

The thought that emerges..

"Nifty starts and starry endings"
i find it intriguing everytime she affords a smile when she sees me.. we had trouble finding "the amara" when it was right in front.. and now im fit for sail, vaccinated, and all that is left is to sign the bond..

"Ion change"
i was telling her.. i dun fancy stupefying chix who parade their mid-rifts with super low cut jeans and flashing filthy butt cracks... but rather haf sumthing simpler instead.. one who exhibits nicely-shaped bosoms in naughty racerbacks plus not-so-micro skirts.. =) ..
*cheeky grinz*

warning: those who dun think they have "them".. pleease do not flaunt!!

and i had fun the whole day after.. with the minggling duo.. who never fail to pep my misbehaving and perk my mojo..

if i cud grab a star for evrytime u make me smile, the sky wudve been in the palms of my hand

Vindicated.. i am selfish.. i am wrong

2006-04-20T02:26:00.000-07:00

Vindicated.. I am selfish.. I am wrong

"1 step ahead"
Good news came in the form of phone call frm NOL.. and im selected.. all praise to the Oneness above.. and i was jumping with joy.. but ive yet to go fer a pre-medical checkup to see if im fit to sail.. after which i will be vaccinated with cholera and yellow fever..

4 sureties i need to apply for:
-exit permit
-usa visa
-discharge book
-extend my passport

-condolences to a pal whos application wasnt successful.. chill dude.. itz not the end of the world

"cold.. and blissed"
a thing u need to noe.. when im below freezing point.. it means sumthing.. and dun think im enjoying it..

Take my hand and never let go..

2006-04-19T04:46:00.000-07:00

Take my hand and never let go..

Sweet Reveries
i cudnt put my mind off anything else but my interview.. i surely didnt wanna be late.. hell, who does.. and she was telling us.. "i juz wish i cud take the whole bunch in".. i was like.. oh pls dun bullshit with us.. lets get the misery over and done with.. my one-on-one time was thought- provoking.. but i was just being myself.. and i reali hope i'd be shortlisted.. that way, i wud be way secure.. before and after ns.. =)

-Dear GOD, grant me my wish.. and i so hope tmw's call wud be good news

Switching paces.. i tried to keep up
they say u gotta haf a bit of ying and yang.. and ive been telling myself not all that begins well, ends well.. interview lasted hours.. we were sitting ducks inside the office frm 1-5.. and i cudnt make it for "take the lead"with them.. nvm that, plans with ijah foiled coz we werent decisive enuff.. i was tensed.. and i dun like it everytime i got this eeky feeling..

she made my night once agn when i supposed nothing bogus wud take place.. she was dead beauty or so i thot.. we enjoyed typical short laughters and my misbehaving.. we felt comfort with one another.. behind the knowledge of our parents.. *grinz*

"dun smile.. and u look like an upside down troll" - sofi

- we're finding comforts in a place where clouds are marshmallows, and the greens are flourished with rainbow coloured gumdrops with cadbury river flowing nearby..

to her:
sumtimes u juz gotta shush! and listen..
i suppose i care too much about others, i forgot about myself
and maybe i tried so hard to understand, and overlooked simplicity
people tend to climb on top of my head, shit on it and not flush.. thats selfish.. hell i noe
but never try to exploit and abuse my kind nature.. coz i bite..

Fair chances..

2006-04-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

Fair chances..

"Dreams about to be lived"
i had a get together with buddy zali after he's been MIA fer long.. and we scurried to old toh tuck to catch our interview at tesma sg before lunch break.. plus, we didnt know our way there.. how good can things ever get.. but the fugger spotted the building in the mist of turning heads during our scouting session in the bus.. hey.. he's got 4 eyes.. mind u..

and alhamdulillah.. things went the way we wanted.. and we were way relieved.. but we've yet to set out fer more interviews.. we're a bunch of fussy gays who can never be contented with juz 1! jingo! .. 18th april- NOL building..

"Epidemic- bug in the eye"
She had this lense infection.. or so she was complaining to me about on the phone.. and that doesnt make a valid excuse to not sleep .. rite?? .. but i thot of making her day with a surprise visit.. and we had a hitch to jp the day after juz to make her enjoy the day so on and so forth... and i think i worked my way.. =) ..

and to sofi whos a been a sweetheart.. sumday we shud reali "date".. lolz .. and reali2 haf fun .. *twinklez* .. u noe i noe ..

2006-04-09T07:15:00.000-07:00

Drop of dismay..

"in shambles"
i came back.. like super-drenched.. but im smiling..
i got whined on.. coz itz deep dwn

now why do i care.. sumone remind me pls..

and i shudve done it behind ur back .. and not telling..

Affections that mend the heart..

2006-04-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

Affections that mend the heart..

"Faking a smile, telling me ur life's been way off line"
she called up as soon as i sent her home.. her mind, fickled with perplexity.. she couldnt hold back.. she even teared on the phone.. there wasnt much i cud actually do, looking at the time.. she wanted to go out so bad.. i didnt let her.. telling her if she did, i wud make my turnabout.. even if takes me jogging back..

-i rolled in bed back and forth.. not being able to put myself to sleep

"euphoria that comes after devastations"
i was actually surprised to see her in "it" .. myself, grinning from ear-to-ear.. but i must admit.. she looked stupendous without a doubt.. and i was glad she managed a smile the minute she saw me .. we didnt walk much.. and was terribly disappointed with our airport visit.. but nonetheless, we perked ourselves with our usual misbehaving..

and at the end of the day,
i juz had to have her settled down.. and i did my preaching .. =)

frm me to her:

it was never ur fault
and it has never been about u being only able to do so much.. hell everyone does
but its about what gives in the end
and how u are going to live the days to come
mum never wanted me.. us, in fact, to re-live her days of misery
and whenever ur freakin mind tends to convince u ur alone.. u jolly well think agn..

Stupid and dumb people cry to school when they're late
Slow people hurry to skewl despite how late.. despite what time the clock tells..

and i still cant believe it took u that long to make u come back down! .. *grinz*

Finding a way to make things right..

2006-04-04T13:15:00.000-07:00

Finding a way to make things right..

"Wild-goose chase"
im literally shaking leg at home.. and badly in need of a job.. till i get my sailing interview and whatnot.. that i think wud take quite a while... sumwhere between a month or two.. so people.. if u happen to know of any vacancies.. pls ring or tag me!!! .. cheerios ..

Comforts with an inamorita..

2006-04-01T22:15:00.000-08:00

Comforts with an inamorita..

"eeky-eeky!!"
i woke up .. and i got this .. a lil' sth she learnt frm me taught to me back ..

things happen for a reason
and there's only so much u can do
patience brings u everywhere
2 much ponderin & fighting wun help
these are mere "tests" frm the One above
sleep well..

all grace to HIM .. fast learners like her will one day outdo me .. but by then, it wud've already pass the 5 year mark .. and i think she noes.. lolz

Rage outbreak and zeal-ed..

2006-03-30T04:16:00.000-08:00

Rage outbreak and zeal-ed..

"infuriated and perplexed"
im still boggled.. by the fact that up to this point of my life.. i always end up losing best buddies because of a few freaking gurlz.. and i dun only blame just them.. i wud've expected my closes pals to know me even better.. u people were the meistre of my soul.. until it came to this..

i wud luv to have u mock me in public, scream in my face, hit me in the head, break every tiny bone in my body.. but a gentle reminder, u NEVER talk about my parents.. coz when u do .. i will not juz make u go on bended knees and blow me.. but i will shove "johnnie" into every living hole in ur body .. and not just that, i will make u scream so hard.. and bury u in a place where the sun dun shine .. mind u .. i ALWAYS WIN..

i believed in frenship so much.. it might be the next thing that'll kill me ..
"Friends are just enemies who just dun haf the guts to kill you" ...fuck it

2006-03-28T10:05:00.000-08:00

The wheels of our life are slowly fallin' off..

"Now that i can see you, ur worth a second glance"
ive had my 1 on 1 time with her.. and i wonder, by juz mere weeks, how close we are actually able to relate.. we gawked on "the hills have eyes".. and mind u people, itz a must-watch but not for the faint-hearted.. hell, itz M18..

and so she snugged in a funny manner like a hibernating chincilla, closed her eyes, grasped my arm like it was a ragdoll when it came to shocking moments and horror features and clenched on my shoulders so firm i had to shake her off a lil' and tell her its just a movie larh .. walaoz .. kat luar yeye sgt kan .. tapi tgk criter seram, punyalah penakut!! *twinklez*

we dream our dreams alone
and wish to be like fading stars

plus, a telltale remembrance:
A happy 20th birthday to a fren cum buddy turned brother.. 3 years in school perked me enuff
and juz in case we dun get to sail on the same trip, juz a gentle reminder; safe sex, condoms are of abundance.. =) .. baaah!!!

Open arms and never hold back..

2006-03-25T22:46:00.000-08:00

Open arms and never hold back..

"Friendship; a single soul dwelling in two bodies"
And in the end, i keep telling myself that we shall remember not the words of those whom we hate, but the silence of our friends..

from me to her: grief can take care of itself, but to experience the true value joy you must have
sumbody to share it with.

and im not fergetting that special sumone who never fails to tweak me everytime i pick her up frm her workplace.. nevertheless, 10-15 mins is always worth the wait.. *winkz* .. and i will miss my guardian @ marina when march starts to cease..

Sweet triumph..

2006-03-22T09:18:00.000-08:00

Sweet triumph..

"An official graduate"
My heart trembled.. i was shivering the whole nite.. and i had solitaire showdown with ama to kill the dreadful anxiousness.. woot!! .. and i suppose it paid off.. one way or the other.. results split.. and im getting my diploma already!! .. alhamdulillah!!..

and now im frantically waiting fer email frm my lecturer whos arranging my sailing fer me .. whoop! i cant wait!... jinggling maniacal!!! .. =)

-behind thru walls where innocence lies

Rigged and under maintenance..

2006-03-21T23:36:00.000-08:00

Rigged and under maintenance..

"Rejuvenating and in hibernation"
no more fever.. the pox are drying up .. and i received megalo mesages frm frens who constantly pester me with bonus Qs like .. "wan, biler kau baik?? " .. walaoz .. nak kater bingai, org kater aku jahat lark .. tapi korang gi skolah kan .. aku maner larh tau aku baik biler nie .. org kater biar pandai tau ... jgn pandai2..

i noe u mean well.. but rather.. i am getting better little by little.. =) .. and i haf HIM to thank for .. and the many other frens that constantly pick me up in those lil moments i had to pull through to kill time at home.. plus, my one-lurpe crew who took time and trouble .. nak melawat org kater.. sbg pengubat rindu .. i realise many haf indeed been trying to find me in my periods of unrest .. and ive got lots of catching up to do ..

..not forgetting "those who make up 30 out 0f 40 of my daily sms-es".. and i think she'll noe .. *winkz*

A heap of rotting flesh..

2006-03-16T02:25:00.000-08:00

A heap of rotting flesh..

"In need of a ray of healing blight"
itz been 4 days.. my health seems to deteriorate.. im burning frm the inside.. im so afraid fluctuations in temperature will affect my eyes and brain.. my eyes haf gone red on one side.. i cant seem to even stand fer 5 and 1/2 mins .. woot! .. and im praying sitting dwn..

i'm still trying my best to keep myself in shape.. tapi org kater ader yg lebih pakar dlm hal sembuh2 kan org nie kan .. *looks up*.. =)

-why does hello fell like gdbye

Condition- Code RED

2006-03-15T11:40:00.000-08:00

Condition- Code RED

"Decomposed"
Situations are worsening..

1) Body temperatures fluctuating roundaclock
2) Ive got swells in my head
3) My face is like a hive of goosebumps
4) My throat hurts and is killing me so much so i cant swallow
5) I cant seem to bring myself upright
6) I feel so dead

I know ur missing me so badly.. but i cant put it to risk .. coz i dun want u to be in my position.. and im glad that u understand..

-they say patience brings u everywhere.. and i trust HE will take gd care of me .. *twinklez*

Imperfections set its toll

2006-03-13T03:31:00.000-08:00

Imperfection sets to take its toll..

and she called us the "one-lurpe crew" with that unique sewelan..

take my hand and never let it go

"Indisposed and under medication"
im left to rot at home .. havin chicken pox.. plus high fever which shot way above 39 deg.. granny's here accompanying me at my place.. and so is grandpa.. and i appreciate them alot!! .. woot!! ..

2006-03-03T06:17:00.000-08:00

Minds are a terrible thing to waste..

"Setting myself up for the greatest fall of all time"
It was sumwhat near midnight, I was walking home.. groggy.. when i stumbled upon this repugnant bunch.. i had already saw them frm afar.. i knew i wud be in fer sum melodrama.. woot!

Hotties: psst.. psst.. abg baru balik pasar ek..
Me: why bother (whisper to self)
Hotties: weeweet.. abg mlm2 gini tak bagus tau jln balik sorang2..
Me: OoO .. aku larh eh yg tak bagus? (whisper to self)
Hotties: Boleh larh eh ? Kiter teman nak? Tak pon.. h/p number pon jadik larh (giggles)

i toleh-ed .. and walked up to them..

Me: Gurls.. gurls.. 1sT, you called me up like a dog .. and wat duh .. i din expect
much frm a bunch like u larh.. 2nd, im tired.. i almost slept thru my mrt ride and missed
my stop.. usually i like entertaining nuisances like u.. but not tonite k darling.. since u
wanted my number kan?
(whispered to one of them) why dun u and ur motley crew.. go FUCK URSELVES .. boleh?

and there they were whining and pouting all those haughty eruptions u usually holler when ur puking mad .. haha .. i walked of grinning frm ear to ear.. and swear to GOD, those gurls made my night.. thx alot ..

When the worlds seems to spin the other way round

2006-02-28T16:30:00.000-08:00

When the world seems to spin the other way round..

"Living the life of Riley"
for once i can simply wander without having to think so much.. skewl is literally over.. having to spend weekends with family and frens queases me like mad.. and im grinning from ear to ear .. mind u.. =)

"In times when i got the best of you"

The perky crew who bubbles sunsets fer me making me feel a whole lot more idiotic.. yikes!..

Sumone told me.. "i think i've found the male version of myself and that psyches me alot!".. hee..
She wanted her hejab on.. so i "drew" it on .. and itz amazing how it turned out to be .. *grinz*

And now the stars aren't out tonight
But neither are we to look up at them
These are the wishes i wished
And the dreams i chase

Keeping it quiet

2006-02-22T07:30:00.000-08:00

Keeping it quiet..

"Pictures tell a thousand words"

They're jealous coz now i have my own idiotic cartoon character..hee

I wudnt wanna tell who drew this.. but she's been super nice ever since.. no doubt

Dun think elsewhere people.. dun get cranky ok..

Gosh.. i managed to upload the song.. but itz a bit fucked up since its in WMA.. dang!

i wanted "as your voice fades".. but they got it uploaded halfway ..with no ending .. and the ending's suppose to be the climax.. baaah!

My intimates..

2006-02-19T07:39:00.000-08:00

My intimates..

"And when flying feels like falling"

to my crappy mollies,
I relished every second i spent, and u whipped my nite like it was lala land..

-and i have yet to thrash ama and ezza in pool.. baah!

Sold on to "Happiness is.."

2006-02-17T19:28:00.000-08:00

Sold on to "Happiness is.."

"Gen excitation"
it was twinkling nitez .. i was awestrucked .. stuck on, hooked, enthralled or whatever the description is.. the show was superb.. and the audience from nyp.. went berserk.. they flipped out like i did.. they were really megalo-maniacal.. and we all went bonkers!.. baah! schizoids! we all had our jinggling giler2..!! .. woot!

-lucky they didnt noe it was me.. *winkz*

we were teemed with another of those witty hours that made us burst with schizophrenia;
for once i cud really breathe the air i once did;
and messes, i think.. i can clean up.. =)

Thx to u..

Overlooking the present..

2006-02-16T09:30:00.000-08:00

Overlooking the present..

"And as time fades"
beginnings has its ends.. and skewl will be over and done with in 2 friggin weeks.. and as i reminisce the journey i took.. i suppose 3 years wasnt enough.. and things haf indeed changed alot..

-the only thing that stands between me and graduation is on the 20th and 24th..

she asked if i cud steal 1 thing frm her, what wud it be?
my answer: your time

dun tell me its the right time
and ur last words will sustain me

i feel empty.. and in a mess

Moonlit night..

2006-02-14T06:40:00.000-08:00

Moonlit night..

"And it creases me to be with you"

We had our fair share of full moons and starry nights.. i was with sumone so enticing.. i was jaw-dropped fer a moment.. dumbfounded.. baah! And dun try to stick ur money mcm tu lagik makcik!! .. cubalah sekali skala dengr ckp hero nie.. =) and i missed evenings like this.. And to u, the nite was undoubtly sweeeeet! thx ..

i looked u in the eyes
i tried to read ur thots
i asked u to go with me to a far off place

-one slowdance

Stab wounds..

2006-02-11T21:44:00.000-08:00

Stab wounds..

"I need morphine"
Its one of those episodes when frens becums foes and vice versa.. They say to forgive and forget helps.. i doubt it will..

For a minute i was bewildered by happy moments.. and people can change all that when im not looking.. and juz when im flying high.. u sodomized me; u crapped me up my back and shoved it..

- n i cant wait fer everything to be over.. lemme sail the seven seas

and juz because im having peppy times with her.. u think im in love?..

9th Feb '06

2006-02-09T23:42:00.000-08:00

9th Feb '06..

"Turning 19"

And u've turned a year older..

Her heart kept racin
She cannot sleep
Turnin nineteen
Is juz no mean feat

She's growin old
With eyes so bold
A sweeter look
That melts the cold

U've been a fren
a GREAT one too
So here's my wish
Happy Birthday to you!

-thx a mill wewer.. ALLAH bless u with a million wonders.. not just up here.. but up there too.. insya- ALLAH..
*Amin*

Back to where it all started

2006-02-08T21:07:00.000-08:00

Back to where it all started..

"Screaming pains and broken hearts"

I passed "it" to her telling her that i'd be out of her life as soon as she got it.. not noeing she'd took it dang seriously.. and she left without a word.. without even looking back

-Ur body language.. it scared me.. seriously

its not over yet .. u noe u owe me something..an explanation maybe.. i can be out of ur life like passing wind.. but ur not gonna run away frm me that easy.. i'll fish u out.. watch me.. hee

Theming..

2006-02-07T23:31:00.000-08:00

Theming..

"Caught a piece of the moon"

I had my time alone on the rink of rooftop.. i was showered by "beauty of fireworks" and yeah.. i brought home a piece of the moon..
and shoots.. blogger pic upload for the screwed up .. so i cant show u the moon.. dope!
-there were no stars

"My time with her"
And no words can describe the comfort i have when i'm with her
Her company psyches me.. =)

-and we went back again, together..

Maimed and slowed by poison..

2006-02-05T18:20:00.000-08:00

Maimed and slowed by poison..

"Hope; The story of GONDIMON"

Learn from this people.. Gondimon got fragged and his head owned for stealing sumone else's rapier.. they say stealing comes with a price to pay.. and he did .. cos he got dog-like OWNED!

Hope

Sees the invisible
Feels the intagible
Thwacks the insatiable
And achieves the impossible

-sumone misses me.. and i must admit she's been a sweetheart these few fortnights..=)

Twinkling thots..

2006-02-02T16:58:00.000-08:00

Twinkling thots..

"Making debuts"
sumone told me blogging's just another way to escape from reality.. or so he thought.. well maybe i guess.. but fer me, my bloggin defines the things that i cant tell u people by word of mouth.. or izzit? .. beatz me .. hee..

"Relentless endings"
for once we got our fyp report done and over with!.. but we're still stuck with our presentation and have yet to come up with that video clip showing our buoy self-inflating! fag ..

"Crafting smiles"
it has been quite a while i went strolling with my "brother".. and we had sum tomfoolin' shots.. *whackz forehead*!!
and plus, i was thinking of getting my nasal spray when i freakin fergot my prescription and i was begging the pharmacist to just sell it off to me like selling coke.. cant they see im dying ??

excuse me miss, but do u happen to sell.. *smilez wide* ( she oughtta noe this one =P )

-and i ended up goin home with "her" with our witty hee-haws in the train.. plus i got to haf
lunch with her .. aha .. i was wewerised agn.. dang!

Life worth waiting..

2006-01-31T17:50:00.000-08:00

Life worth waiting..

"Salam Maal Hijrah"

i fell sick on the nite of maal hijrah.. my plans to go to expo screwed up.. but nonetheless, i think its just a tribulation.. one of which will make me a stronger muslim.. insya-ALLAH.. and to all i pray for nothing else but everlasting happiness and may HE bless us with the many beautiful things in life.. *Amin*

"Communication breakdown"

I lost my friggin phone!!.. plans to visit MsMidget at pasir ris park messed.. turned down my hype to join my pals fer sum street soccer action.. mojo busted.. if only people were kind enuff to noe how broke i am these days and just return my phone.. fag itz a 6610i for goodness sakes.. not like its sum n70 or n90.. next battle plan.. i gotta earn.. baah!

p.s. so people, u got 2 choices:

1) u can tag me at my taggieboardie! or even go online and find me on msn

2) u can search fer me at esplanade rooftop in evenings coz im there most of the time

grimacing on sunsets or basically just enjoying squally nite breeze.. usually im off

sumwhere 10pm.. so catch me aightz..

In the limelight..

2006-01-29T09:30:00.000-08:00

In the limelight..

"Figuring out broken pieces"
we relished "memoirs of a geisha" together.. we enjoyed fake stars.. all in all, we loved each others company..

but..

i can never love u like i did before.. my heart is not with love.. and never try to pick up the pieces..
coz you'll only end up with the wrong picture

-move on pls..

"Searching.."
Deep inside.. i figure i miss sumone.. and i'll never know if i'd see her if she comes back.. ever..

Bits and pieces..

2006-01-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

Bits and pieces..

"Where am i ever getting to"

i happened to stumble upon "friendship, courtship, love and marriage"; the many tragic scenes and the heavens to which blooms over a roller-coaster of emotions inside.. but what really triggered me was that they make it sound so easy.. after they tried so hard to describe it ..

-fill me in with showers of love and laughter

"The heart of me"

felicity to me is when i put smiles on each and everyone of ur faces..

-but i can only do so much

"Mingling maniacal"

i waited at flywheel.. she was droopy.. and i suppose she was dead tired..

but i cracked her up with more megalo laughters till she can get 6 pecx

and train rides can always end up good ..

and if my time was up, i dont expect you to show up

Wewerism

2006-01-24T17:59:00.000-08:00

Wewerism..

"And when stars come together"
it was another one of those fantabulous nites that i miss alot.. i planned to sit back and enjoy squally winds at the rooftop.. and was surprised when "she" was there also.. so i asked her up..

"Sluggish comforts"
i enjoyed my time with her + her frens with our ngi ngi ngeh ngeh..
jaja's too crazy to be like me.. hee.. and riza's all to herself.. ewww!.. talk ley! =P
we went to fullerton and enjoyed koi nibbling on our fingers.. and yes, i'm still impressed by those "two up there".. =)

p.s. would like to go out again .. i like.. =P

Spill it..

2006-01-22T14:13:00.000-08:00

Spill it..

"Splitsville; i juz don't know why people enjoy doing it"
words were at the tip of my tongue.. but i cudnt bring myself to spurt it out.. but she held my hand.. and her exact words were.. "go ahead.. i wont cry"..

-but she did..

"There were a million and one chances i could've said it"
and i teared thinking why am i just saying it now.. i'm a sucker for life.. and hurting people whom i care for so much makes me wanna put a bullet thru' my head..

it didnt come to my mind

that leaving could be so subtle

but with time, i long to find

the deepest meanings in life that troubles

i still stand here

with grief and despair

with a broken heart

and no means of repair

but this is not goodbye

not adieu, nor toodle-oo

just merely a sigh

i'll miss you

regards: wawAn dearest (still livin' faith)

The Past..Re-Lived

2006-01-21T14:06:00.000-08:00

The Past..Re-Lived

"Alter-ego; buddy; pal"
well i guess ol' times for us die hard.. shits like him .. i cant get enough of 'em.. hee..

Sanity falls..

2006-01-16T10:43:00.000-08:00

Sanity falls..

"sober hearts"
i cant continue lying to myself.. i have yet to tell the undying truth.. to "her" it will hurt alot.. i need morphine to keep my heart numb when i say it

-and i just know u will be better off without me

"dysphoria; vexation with deep meanings"
they say maybe i have this grief in me that they'd never understand.. funny that i find it intriguing yet i can hardly savvy or even comprehend .. Then i suppose.. time will tell

and even the slightest things in life right now, can make me tear.. like when i look at mum when she's returned from work.. or even just gaze on sunsets, dark skies, moon and stars .. knowing HE's watching over..

and u shud listen to sami yusuf's "meditation".. its a ++

-i dont question.. i just feel

Phantasmagorical..

2006-01-13T04:25:00.000-08:00

Phantasmagorical; fantastic imagery..

"An oddly dreamlike quality"

they said i could do with a lil' light

to help me thru' my plight

i thought u were the chosen knight

but it became a fear i longed to fight

feelings are real

memories prevent culprit

ur surreal

i feel stupid

p.s. jangan ..

3 things i got-
1) marshmallows
2) *smilez widely*
3) goodnight

Al-hajj..

2006-01-11T22:01:00.000-08:00

Joy..

"pilgrimage sets tears flowing"
and everytime i see the river of white ihrams flow round and round the Ka'abah of the Holy Mosque.. i question myself am i there yet?.. i've heard exalting stories about al-hajj.. and i keep on praying i'll be there one day with HIM.. *Amin*

-Labaik Allahuma Labaik. Innal Hamda, wal Nikmata, Laka wal Mulk, Laa syari kalak-

"We've been there.. thru' thick and thin"
it was extremely daunting to see we come together again.. the humor, those smiles..plus, the cheerful acts of my lil' devils.. =)
i can never ask for anything more..

and never ever ask yourself why you deserve this and that when u already put your trust in takdirullah..

Catechism..

2006-01-08T23:50:00.000-08:00

Catechism..

"And in silence i question"
the more she asks.. the more i don't know how to put it in words.. and as days slips away..
i lose a bit of myself that once loved her.. i cant help myself..

i am sorry for what i am becoming
u wanted to know the big pic .. now i tell u.. and never blame "her" for what's happening

sumbody please help me.. what am i suppose to do..

u've cried.. but i'm here..

thinking that i hear your voice but its sumbody else..

its always.. sumbody else

-emery:

Why did we ever meet ..

2006-01-07T10:50:00.000-08:00

Why did we ever meet

"we have been pretty close ever since"
its sumwhat the "last" friday we'll ever embark on.. that nite we made strides frm esplanade all the way to kallang.. it was a long walk we didnt expect yet worth it.. and by golly we popped up with a number of sugar-smooches and mushing.. =P.. sprinkled-showers fudged my nite =)

when u say sumthings are just not meant to be said, will they ever be told eventually or if said, they will bear no meaning?

it will be spilled eventually, plus will sumhow embrace a meaning ..
-credits to dian

p.s. "oh jadi aku biol, tebiat, bingai, bengap.. mcm-mcm larh; kurang *hajar* kan kau"
hee..

Pain is just temporary..

2006-01-05T00:02:00.000-08:00

Pain is just temporary..
(chanelling)

"And the last time was donkey years back"
tooththrobbing .. and the discomfort was excruciating .. i juz have to get it extracted.. "crystal"!

In the hot seat;
the dentist was a guy ..swear to GOD.. he's gentle like softlan ..he numbed my gums with this strawberry-paste-thing + injection ..goof! and then there's the delusion every kid has..
doctor + giant pliers= bad news!

dang! ..this is literally goodbye to my chewing tooth.. but im still smiling!! =).. i can always get dentures what ..

HE awaits

2006-01-03T12:46:00.000-08:00

HE awaits..

"Flabergasted"

i was too engrossed with maple to even bother the phone.. but when i picked up i cudn't believe what i heard

Pak Long was leaving for hajj.. and its just hours away

1.00 a.m: i had to see him depart

there was like a dozen of jemaah.. like finding a needle in a haystack..

Changi Airport: Terminal 2

"Our bloods now intertwine"
Abg Rino's apart of my friggin family.. an addition.. i was in a trance when i when i got to know.. =P

plus im terribly glad.. *smilez wide*

"And this is not goodbye i said"

salam-ed, hugged, kissed his cheeks; last berkat

i'll miss him.. i'm sure of that

p.s. my prayers are with u.. to have a mabrur hajj.. and to haf a safe trip.. to and fro ..and that is all i ask .. *Amin*

Just a memory..

2006-01-01T11:20:00.000-08:00

Just a memory..

"already 06"
i have no resolutions, but yet i'm still living my unaccomplished dreams .. '05 had been full of thrills, roller-coaster rides, mumbo-jumbos.. and to myself, i pray to HIM as i have been for the past 19 years of my life that he bestows upon me grace; iman and taqwa .. and that is all i ask ..

and to all who knows this "idiot" .. a happy '06..apologies should any of my blabbering, clown acts, smilies have caused alot of gayness in u people.. =)
U people have been the colours of my life.. the wellspring of my joys.. maybe the root of my tears
but then again, u juz know how much u mean to me .. ALLAH bless u near and far

and to that sumone who's goin away in a week or so, if i dun get to see you before u depart.. wishing u haf happy times.. though u cud've been a foul ball a few fortnights.. u oughtta cum back.. i still am in debt to u.. *stix tongue* ..

from me to you,
wawAn dearest

"promise of a better day
promise of a greater hope
promise of a new tomorrow"

-taking back sunday

Scenery's all drawn..

2005-12-30T23:50:00.000-08:00

Scenery's all drawn..

"yabbling + ever-walking = simply nice"

we caught up with hooter girls, walked along boat quay (pronounced as "kueh), we trailed the river, we crossed sum stupefying bridges, and yeah.. we had fun . =)

"She didnt get angry"

2005-12-29T22:50:00.000-08:00

Things we'll never know..

"Handshakes at sunset; buddies forged longtimes"

guy's day out .. nothing else i cud've wished for but best frens .. and yeah, hurrayz for "Fantastic Fourplay" for making my nite ..

From me to him..

2005-12-29T11:20:00.000-08:00

From me to him..

"Dating and personals"
i noe its kinda early for a post.. but hey.. itz never too early.. I woke up and was aroused by this .. Do read:

5 women every guy has gotta date

1) The older woman
- Mature women have been places, seen things, and have a sophistication and wisdom that we, young men,
have gotta soak up like a sponge
- Older women know who they are and what they want so spend time with one and you'll gain a terrific
perspective on life

Quote: "The older woman I dated was like a sex mentor to me and she taught me absolutely everything I know"
lolz.. ; )

2) The guy’s girl
- Every guy needs to experience that rare breed of gal who looks and talks like a woman.. but acts like a guy
- The guy’s girl is often so similar to you that you forget to censor yourself around her—a good thing
- You’ll let your guard down more, just as you would around your guy friends
- You’ll learn that women can offer you friendship that you don’t have to reserve for your own gender

3) The free spirit
- This girl always stops to smell the roses
- She’s totally creative, spiritual, spontaneous and a lil' tad ditzy and she relies more on
instinct and inspiration than reason and good planning
- A woman like this can tap a man’s creativity in ways no one else has and shows him that
not everything has to be perfect or planned
- She took me to some underground art galleries, had me stay up to the wee hours even when I had to work
the next day

Quote: "She really helped me discover a more romantic, creative side of myself"

4) The brainy chic
- they can help you appreciate all facets of a woman and even handle those times in your life when you
don't know it at all
- Men are so often intimidated by smart women—they have vulnerable egos and never want to feel as if
any woman is showing them up

Quote: "She challenged me in a way I wasn’t used to and that felt great. She taught me how to debate with the
best of them"

5) The seductress
- Every man fantasizes about dating a girl who has an, um, healthy libido and is extremely creative in bed
- Every guy needs to get this type of girl out of his system. Because he’ll quickly realize that sex alone
cannot sustain a relationship
- Sure, hot sex still ranks high on everyones' wish list, but now he also wants a girl he can also really relate
to and bond with. And that’s a very valuable lesson.

Swallowing whole truths..

2005-12-28T23:50:00.000-08:00

Swallowing whole truths..

Warning: Don't touch PUMA shoes unless you carefully read the labels!!!
Well, "she" held this puma shoe which reads PIG LINING.. hakx .. i warned you .. and i told "her" she's not the 1st girl i went out with who did .. bang! hahah ..

Star Lites.. Star Bites..
Dang! .. we were suppose to enjoy these so called mirror reflections of lights that looked like stars on top .. but it rained .. hell, the sight of it queases me .. coz it was nice ..

Quote of the day: "I don't like you, but then again, i dun hate you"

can someone explain .. beats me .. =)

"And i didn't know going home was so hard"

Her..

2005-12-24T04:10:00.000-08:00

Her..

My stranger..

weakened from the pain
that he left inside her heart
fallen in the rain
her whole life has fallen apart

alone she cries
filled with hate inside
no love, nor life
without that loser who once said:
here's my goodbye

December nights..

2005-12-24T01:25:00.000-08:00

December nights..

"Fort Canning had never been uber-Beautiful"
we went out on a friday again or so.. *winkz* .. and went up the fort..
and yes, the climbs were a killer.. and we were "trekking in the wrong clothes".. we got eerie feeling went "she" decided we go up to the "keramat" .. and i was almost certain there was a "third party" .. gosh ..

"it's been so long since u hear the hurting words
forget your past and see what is now
even if you dun want to
you've got to face the truth"

"Top of the World"
it felt as if we were on the vertex of the hill.. the winds were inevitable.. but "ants in the pants" ruined our comfort.. =P

"coz *sumday* may come along
not thinking of reality, u make the most of your lies
a broken heart comes crashing down
from your stab from behind
now willing to admit the truth?"

"Gothic Gate"

"She" brought me to gothic gate.. wasnt impressive.. it had this crucifix symbol right in the middle slightly below the top but i loved that banner thingy below it .. it started to rain by then, so we cudnt stay..

"And that was when everything started"

"She" cudnt take it.. she broke down.. she just had to cry.. i sensed the fear.. and it wasnt nice.. and i did what i thought was right

"all i want

is to be just friends

understand and don't hate me "

Twillights of a hidden agenda

2005-12-23T03:36:00.000-08:00

Twillights of a hidden agenda..

"Reminiscin' on past .. Kills"
They say why care for sumone who don't care for you.. typical.. but eat ur words people when that "sumone's" ur mum

"Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person, and to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the right way, that is not within everybody's power, that is not easy"

"People dun mean what they say when their angry"

Sadness sinks beneath..

2005-12-21T22:45:00.000-08:00

Sadness sinks beneath..

"It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are"

to whom it may concern, you can never know where life brings you; who you'd meet and what you'll face .. but never fail to enjoy every second of it because time cannot be bought

p.s. dun cry .. u look ugly.. =)

"When you understand yourself, that very day you have understood humanity. Then nobody can make you miserable.."

"NighTrails after 7"

"He" didnt call so i made my way thru' skewl and took sum rather intresting shots.. But u wudnt imagined how much i wanted to piss in my pants taking these.. i know SP's got "sumthing".. and im not up fer it .. yet..

Beginnings are endless..

2005-12-20T20:45:00.000-08:00

Beginnings are endless..

Firsts & Lasts
Test check .. its a first .. =)